So I’m reading my Bible this morning thinking of my most recent struggle and how miserably I failed the test that was put before me. Although I choose not to let sin stay, the fact remains that I was bit and bit pretty hard. I had a dream a couple of months ago that this was going to happen and even with the warning dream, I choose to disobey God and chased something that my own flesh was crying for. My relationship with God (my one true love) was severed as soon as I carried out what was pleasing to myself. I was completely alone for 2 days and knew that I couldn’t stay where I made a choice to be. I needed God and was discontent and disconnected without him. I felt like I was in the garden with Adam and Eve the day they decided to allow sin into their own lives and went to hide from the one who gave them everything. I did the same…even with the thought in mind that Christ would forgive me, I knew not to ask as I had to check the intent of my heart. My intentions were to please myself and once I partook I enjoyed it. I had to stop and ask myself what was more important. Here I was all alone, pleased to a point, but alone. Without Christ I am nothing and for a moment that’s what I felt like…NOTHING! I was empty and ashamed and way too embarrassed to go before my God to ask for forgiveness knowing that my heart had desired something that was not good for me. I have made many apologies and still have more to make however, I have to remember that God is not of condemnation or of guilt. Once I corrected my heart desires, I was able to freely ask for the forgiveness that God was so willing to give. It was liberating to say the least and though I still struggle with what I want and what I know God wants, I march forward into victory thanking and praising God for his mercy, grace and forgiveness! Philippians 3:12-14 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing. Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.
Your testimony is true. And every word you’ve spoken could easily be rendered if you physically stood before the Throne of the Most High God, bare and helpless.
I will point out one thing which I am learning: You refered to it as a failing of a test. I will testify to you that it is a test. We fall, but we who know Him become aware that we cannot pass any test with an “A”. You have passed that test if you have come to the point of understanding and repentance. This “testing” from God remains in the realm of His proving of our faith. Though we live with regret, we have come to greater things as we apply our faith in one thing: It is the power of God to teach His children. And those who accept His teaching move from faith to faith. You have not fallen to a place from which you cannot rise.
By your testimony, you have now passed that test. For you testify that the will of God is supreme. And that the forgiveness of Christ is real, and available to all who humble themselves under His Glory.
By His Grace.
Thank you for your perspective!